Sunshine State Solutions + Services

Winning: A Wildly Flattering, Thigh-Hiding, Slam Dunk Winter Swimsuit

Winning: A Wildly Flattering, Thigh-Hiding, Slam Dunk Winter Swimsuit

Yay! It's winter! Time to head to the beach!

You've heard of "The Opposite Game"? Well, Florida is the Opposite State. When everyone else is freezing their asses off up north, burying themselves under blankies and ODing on Netflix, residents of the Sunshine State go outside and play.

The weather is perfect, the bugs have beat it, we can pack up the Xanax and forget about Hurricane Season for at least seven is good. 

Still, even if it's warm and breezy and ideal beach weather, bright summery colors don't cut it. Now's the time to trot out the navies, the gunmetals - even black if you're up for it. 

In the run-up to our annual Thanksgiving trek to Orlando (there's a Harry Potter nut living under my roof...), I scampered off to my local Target in search of a new one-piece.

In addition to The Wizarding World and Diagon Alley, we had two other outings planned - poolside lounging at The Ritz Carlton Grande Lakes and the new Universal water park, Volcano Bay. There was no way I wanted to be spotted frolicking in a bikini for either of those excursions. Despite the fact that I play tennis about 95 times a week, and have started running four miles at a pop again, my fondness for leftover Halloween candy, sparkling rosé and pumpkin pie mean I've got a tush the size of Texas.

Enter the most flattering swimsuit I've ever owned: Aqua Green Side-Tie Swim Dress

Granted, I'm now "a woman of a certain age," aka 55. So if you're a 20-Something or a 30-Something and you're reading this, it might not be your jam. Especially when I say I wouldn't dream of side-tieing this Side-Tie suit. Why the hell would I, when, worn lose, it camouflages the chubbiest part of my upper thighs?

I bought a dark gray shade called Titanium, and it looked very cute when I layered a hot pink Ritz Carlton rash guard over it for our morning at Volcano Bay.

When I got back home and stumbled on the taupe version online, I snapped it up immediately. I just got about a bazillion highlights woven into my already fake-blonde locks, so I think the taupe will look pretty.

I hope the taupe looks pretty. 

At the very least, it will hide my thighs. Yes. 




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