Dana Is Literally Begging You (Or Your Daughters) Not To 'Disc' Your Ears
Before I dive into this words-of-wisdom Public Service Announcement, let me first say that I get it: As a Patti Smith-obsessive with a terrifyingly authentic punk-rock boyfriend in the late 70s, I jammed a safety pin through my lobes on occasion.
Still, that was just poser cheating; I already had my ears pierced. And paired with a cracking tan, pristine frocks + a copy of Vogue tucked under my arm, I wasn't exactly the real deal.
What I'm seeing more and more of now, though - at least in hipster-haven St. Pete - are super-scary, stretched-to-the-max ear discs that are totally legit. They're fierce + a 100% commitment.
But unlike that other legit, fierce and 100% commitment body adornment - tattoos - ear discs can't be covered up. That's it, babe; you disc, the world knows.
Which is fine when you're into them. But what about when you're not?
I guarantee there will come a day when you'll look in the mirror + say to yourself:
'Wow, I am seriously over you, ear discs.
WTH do I do with you now?'
And then you'll have exactly one option, and it isn't a good one: costly plastic surgery that may or may not restore your lobes to their natural state.
It's bad enough that even heavy regular earrings take their toll after a while. I'm at a point now, for example, when I can only really wear studs. I'm even considering getting a stitch or two to close the gap + re-youthify.
(In the meantime, I think I'll cheap-out and nab one of those Lobe Wonder kits the next time I'm at Walgreens. It can't hurt to try it, right? How great would it be if it worked? I could save my loot for something a lot more fun.)
And speaking of dough, you disc-ers can expect to drop an easy grand getting yours re-jiggered. In some more extreme cases, it could run as high as 4k.
Evidently if your discs are small - like no bigger than a half-inch in diameter - they might be able to close on their own, sans surgery. But the ones I've been seeing lately are waaaay bigger than that. Like pick your jaw off the table big. There was a waitperson I encountered recently whose discs were so gigantic I couldn't even look at her while I ordered my dinner. The whole situation just looked ouch-y.
Whoa, whoa + whoa.
Is post-disc repair a painful procedure? Not especially, from what I've read. It's done under local anesthesia, so that's one indication that it isn't a huge deal. And if you're suffering from 'disc remorse,' there's a Tampa Bay plastic surgeon, David Halpern, who can help you out.
But if I've caught you in time...
If you're feeling all feisty and punk rock and like you might just want to do some body-modification via your poor innocent ear lobes, maybe don't?
UPDATE: A day after I posted this, a young reader with discs reached-out to tell me she felt I was being judgy about body-modification in this post. Not at all. I'm just concerned about procedures that are hard to change your mind about. And I have some pretty maje experience in this area. I had breast implants for about a dozen years, until I decided I was officially over them. Having them removed was no walk in the park, I can assure you.